Question of the day - -
So the morning headlines are choosing to focus on the Bush Peace Plan and the demand
that Arafat finally step down.
So without further delay…What will Arafat do now?
”Dispatches’ TOP TEN POSSIBLE NEW JOBS FOR YASSER ARAFAT” - -
10. Gets down to business writing his dream book: a scratch and sniff
book based on his time barricaded
in his Ramallah compound.
9. Mulls MTV’s offer to join the cast of “The Osbournes”
during sweeps week. This would solve the important question of who is more incoherent (Ozzie or Yasser) and who is the worst for wear since the 1970’s. (Kelly: “Daddy…I hate Yasser” Ozzie: “Arafat? Who the (BLEEP) is Arafat?” Kelly: “He’s staying in Jack’s room. Ozzie: “What do want me to do about it Kelly? What the (BLEEP) do you want me to do?”)
8. Approaches Kingdom of Saudi Arabia to fund a Middle Eastern Theme Park called “Arafat’s Magic Kingdom.”
Sales of tie in merchandise, including the ’Barbie’ Arafat doll
, are slow. On the upside the lines to “Pirates of the Palestinian Authority” and the “Yasser Arafat Experience” are relatively short.
7. Briefly thinks about retirement, but decides instead to move to Pakistan
hoping to relive past glories by waging a terror war against India in hopes of gaining another new state.
6. Creates Yasser Arafat Omnimedia Corp.
(NYSE-TRST). Launches style magazine Yasser Arafat Living
and weekly television show to tepid response. Brokers love the idea until it is learned that Ken Lay
is unofficially running the show and Anderson had volunteered to do the accounting. Arafat skips the Senate investigations.
5. Moves to America, buys Krispy Kreme
franchise and tries to achieve the American dream by undermining President Bush’s
get fit plans for America.
4. After such a distinguished career Yasser is left unfulfilled and melancholy. He slips into a depression even Dr. Phil
can’t get him out of. Ends up pawning
his Nobel Peace Prize to pay for one weekend of debauchery with his buddies Oliver Stone and Alec Baldwin in Vegas. This gets him even more notoriety
3. Does everything in his power to undermine the Palestinian leadership and the peace process. Fails to denounce terrorism in Arabic. Oh wait he already does that.
2. Signs on as new Sunday Political Show Host for Al Jazeera
, Stephanopoulos style
. Questions of bias are largely…celebrated. The food in the Green Room is to die for! This was his second choice after NBC rejected Aaron Sorkin’s
pilot for “The Ramallah Wing”, a Dramedy which was slated to star Yasser as himself, costarring Charlie Sheen, Heather Locklear, and the rest of the cast of “Spin City”
as his loyal staff (Hijinks aplenty ensue).
And the number one possible future job for Yasser Arafat is…
1. With all his free time following his successful stint as leader of the Palestinian Authority Arafat decides to return to his first love, terrorism, and meets Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein for lunch to discuss new ventures. They create a new terrorist
organization designed to take over the world